The guide
How to document bullying
Good documentation is what turns “my child is being bullied” into something a school, district, or official has to take seriously. Here is how to do it well — and what to do when bullying becomes a civil-rights or criminal matter.
Six principles of a credible record
Contemporaneous
Write it down as soon as possible after it happens. A record made close to the event is far more credible than one reconstructed months later.
Factual, not emotional
Record what was said and done — quote exact words. Save how it felt for a separate, factual impact note. “If it is not in writing, it does not exist.” (PACER)
Specific
Names, exact words, exact place, exact date and time, named witnesses. Vague entries are weak entries.
Chronological
Keep entries in date order. Most anti-bullying policies treat bullying as repeated behavior — a timeline shows the pattern.
Keep copies of everything
Save original screenshots and files, and keep a copy of every letter or email you send. Never rely on the school's copy alone.
Log every contact
Each call, email, and meeting — who, when, what was said, and what was promised. This proves the school was on notice.
What to capture for each incident
- When & where — date, time or class period, and the specific place (including an app or platform).
- Who — the child or children involved (mark them “alleged”) and any witnesses, with their roles.
- What — exactly what was said and done, in order, with offensive words quoted directly.
- Type — physical, verbal, social/relational, cyber, or property.
- Evidence — screenshots, photos, messages, or items (see the evidence checklist).
- Reporting — who you told, how, and when; keep any case number.
- Impact — factual, observable effects only (missed school, a nurse visit) — never a diagnosis.
The incident record builder walks you through every one of these.
When bullying is more than bullying
There is no single federal law against bullying. But when bullying targets a child because of a protected characteristic, it can become discriminatory harassment — and federal civil-rights law gives the school real obligations. Recognizing this early can change everything.
Protected characteristics include:
A school generally must act when the conduct is:
- 1Unwelcome and objectively offensive (slurs, threats, intimidation, physical contact).
- 2Severe or pervasive enough to create a hostile environment that limits the student's ability to participate in or benefit from school.
- 3Based on a protected class — race, color, national origin, sex, or disability.
If this fits your child's situation, flag it in your record and say so plainly in your letter. You can also complain to the U.S. Dept. of Education Office for Civil Rights — see how.
When it may be a crime
Some conduct goes beyond school discipline. These situations call for law enforcement or specialized reporting — you can pursue them alongside the school's process.
| If… | Contact | How |
|---|---|---|
| Immediate danger or violence in progress | 911 / local police | Call 911 |
| Physical assault, true threats, stalking, or criminal harassment | Local police | File a report and get a case number. Bias-motivated threats may be a hate crime. |
| Online sextortion (including of a minor) | FBI + NCMEC | Report at ic3.gov or 1-800-CALL-FBI, and to NCMEC at report.cybertip.org. |
| Child sexual exploitation, enticement, or sexual abuse material | NCMEC CyberTipline | report.cybertip.org or 1-800-843-5678 (1-800-THE-LOST). The FBI also investigates. |
| Sharing of a minor's nude or sexual images (removal) | NCMEC “Take It Down” | takeitdown.ncmec.org — free and anonymous; images never leave the device. |
If a young person is being exploited, they are the victim of a crime and should report it. They are not the one breaking the law — even if they sent something or accepted money or a game credit.
Common mistakes to avoid
- Deleting or not preserving digital evidence — block or report only after you've captured it.
- Screenshots missing the URL, the sender's handle, or a visible date and time.
- Writing opinion or emotion instead of facts.
- Reporting only verbally, leaving no timestamp or proof the school knew.
- Not keeping your own copies of letters and evidence.
- Treating clearly identity-based harassment as ordinary bullying — and skipping the civil-rights route.
- Contacting the other child's family directly instead of going through the school.
- Sending a letter with no requested response date and no follow-up.
Ready to put this into practice?
Build a private, dated record now — then generate the letter that goes with it.
Not legal advice